Book out day?

I just booked out from Tekong for my medical appointment at NUH. I went home to take my appointment card for NUH, washed clothes, and took new set of civilian clothing. Even though it's just merely 4 days of serving in NS. It feels like a few years. I'm so tired. Waking up early and not getting enough sleep at night. I keep waking up in the middle of the night. I also had nightmare yesterday that made me wake up at 3am in the night. NS is extremely stressful for a person like me, who spend most of my time in front of the computer, reading tech articles, and programming work. The transition to military life is hell. Everything is strict and no freedom is given. I also read that NS is on the headlines recently regarding a NS enlistee or something. I feel so disconnected to the rest of the world. Everything which was just a click of a button on my phone became something I can only do at night. I get so less time for my own things. I cannot even have time to shower at times. Shirt and uniforms have to be reworn numerous times. I think too much about the future. Since at night is the only time that I can lie down, relax, and think of things (and I think too much)

This is something every guy in Singapore have to do. Therefore, I am no exception. I feel constricted. Feel like crying everyday and night. Sometimes I feel alone, other than my buddy, no one actually understands me. I have no one other than my platoon mates and section mates to talk to. I've lost people that I can communicate well with, and I'm constantly making new friends to cover that hole. It is not wise to spend so much time on that one person when they can just leave you when you need them most. I've leant it the hard way. Although it was partly my fault, but it is just unexpected. It all came at the wrong time. It happened when I was so desperate, so in need of time. I'm now in Singapore mainland and everything feels so different. I'm going to just let nature take it's course.

有些东西，不是我的就不是我的

Treasure those that are around you, and those who are there for you. Because you never know when you will lose them, even if you think they might not matter much to you.

I do understand that everything I'm going through now will make me a better person in the future. It is the duty of every guy in Singapore to do their part to protect Singapore and also their loved ones. I'm interested to see what I will achieve in these 4 months (PTP and BMT) and 20 months (after POP). The above is just a price to pay for every guy like me for the safety and peace that everyone in Singapore is enjoying.

I love my loved ones and will do my best to play my part in protecting them.

Signing off

As always, take care and I'll see you soon